Engagements, baby fever and everything in between.

Heeeeello,

Yesterday was a mess, I was a mess, things at work were a mess and I was having an intense late 20's crisis that a total stranger made better. That's the weird thing about life, sometimes someone you don't know suddenly with a smile or a hello can improve your day (this is a perfect example of how emotional I've been). So, I won't go into details about my work life for obvious reasons but it's your typical office job, Monday to Friday from 8-5; not really exciting but it pays the bills and it has the tendency of stressing me out even though I try really hard to avoid it. These past few days, have been an emotional roller coaster, I've been sentimental about almost anything and it's both embarrassing and infuriating. It has reached the point where I tell myself, "Bitch, get your shit together and just stop!" and it gets better for a couple of minutes then we're back in the ride. Honestly, I don't know why this period has been this way, yes, my PMS is all about being passive/aggressive, fighting and complaining about everything and anything but by the time the blood starts flowing I become a whole different person. Everything is an issue, from the previous discussion of not knowing what the fuck to eat, to feeling bad about overweight people because they must have a rough life. If it has a piano track, it will make me cry. Period. Last night I saw the trailer for the movie "Wonder" and guess what? I cried! What about the songs sang at the Oscars? Hell yeah, they made me cry, and last but not least, the fact that I'M TURNING 30 IN LESS THAN THREE MONTHS! I am not exaggerating when I say I'm freaking out, at the same time, it makes me question why I'm feeling that way. Am I not comfortable with my life? Do I feel like a loser? Why is everyone around me getting engaged/married and having babies? Like most of you, I'm my own worse critic, I'm really hard on myself just because I know what I can give and that's probably the main reason why this blog was born. Back in 2009, I started using Tumblr mostly for writing purposes but then between "adulting" and being heartbroken no mo' I stopped doing it. Fun fact, very few people knew about this because, I don't know, it was more "personal". Now, it feels right; I can't explain specifically why but it does, life experience maybe? Last Saturday (coincidentally when I started the blog) I was having lunch with my mom and my sister. We were discussing for some reason all these people close to us that got engaged or are getting married this year and for the first time in my life, it felt like I wasn't doing things right. I'm not one of those women with a Pinterest board of dream weddings. As a matter of fact, I can't picture myself in a wedding dress even though I was engaged once. So what was the issue? Was it the hormones mixed with the OMG YOU'LL BE THIRTY AND YOU'RE A "JAMONA"? Most likely. I feel the same way about babies, due to my constant struggles with my periods, my ovary and all that fun stuff, I've never thought about a thing coming out of my vagina and destroying it. Ryan's mom and my Mami are pretty much begging for a grandkid and we're both like "eeeeeeh" until I go to Target's baby section and I feel something warm inside, no, not a fart. I have three cats and a dog, that's enough responsibility and I feel like I'm doing a great job, as Ryan says, I spend more money on them than him, it's true and I'm damn proud. So in conclusion, stop worrying for a second and start ignoring those pretending to have a perfect life on your Instagram feed, it's not real. Open a beer, start planning whatever the fuck you've been wanting to do for a while and don't know how to start. Fuck what everyone around you is doing, you're your own individual and it takes time to realize that. Ok, I'm done with the self-help bullshit.

P.S. This is dedicated to my beautiful, smart and amazing friend Lismar. I'm so proud of the woman you've become but more importantly, I'm grateful to be part of your life.