PMS Diaries

I'm an emotional rollercoaster but I assure you that I'm fine. No, I haven't killed anyone. Yes, I'm still a walking contradiction. To be honest, I've been trying to be productive in other ways or at least, I keep telling that to myself. I closed Facebook over a year ago and recently, decided to get rid of Instagram as well. No, nothing drastic pushed me into that decision. Yes, stalking exes and coworkers will be harder but I'll survive. If I'm going to provide a reason as to why I did it, it happened after talking with one of my good friends and realizing how much time I was wasting on social media. What's the point anyway? We try to portray our lives on social media as a mix of perfection and spontaneity and for what? For a like? For a comment? I mean, I'm pretty sure at this point everyone's tired of my face, my cats and Boomerangs of my record collection. We need to get over ourselves and understand that we're not that interesting and...

"I'm doing you a favor!" Relationship boundaries: Chapter I Greetings! If you're familiar with my blog you know about the pizza incident (if not, click here ). You know, the one where you've been daydreaming about some leftovers and you finally arrive home and it's half-way there (or completely gone). Last night, I failed myself. I ordered pizza and wings for an incredible Wednesday night in by myself. Since I'm not an animal (I only ate half of the pizza and six wings), I decided to eat the remnants of the previously mentioned feast this afternoon.  As humans, creatures with consciousness, memory and common sense; most of the time we learn from our mistakes. If we did something in the past that had consequences, we do everything in our capability to avoid repeating those errors. That doesn't apply to Ryan Scott.  As I opened the pizza box and noticed a chunk of it was missing, I didn't know how to react. A couple of minutes earlier, I w...

I twisted my ankle two hours ago... I started writing this entry on April 26th and here we are, it only took me two weeks and a half. Greetings, muffins! Iiiiiit's Monday and it feels like one too. I had a couple of beers yesterday celebrating the mamas around me and as usual, I'm regretting it. Also, guess what? Yes, you're right! I'm fucking ovulating. #Blessed . But let's go back to my ankle. It was a Thursday afternoon, I was minding my business at the office and forgot to close the pet gate. A cat walked in, I freaked out, tried to chase him away but my leg was asleep so I kind of sprained my ankle. It was terrible! My legs weren't shaved and I had a three-week-old pedicure gracing my toes. I waited around seven hours for Ryan to drive me to the hospital cause "it wasn't that serious" and "it could wait". I ended up with some ornamental crutches, bandages and a fascinating medical bill for my collection. I'm still in pain an...

Is it that hard to pay someone to give me those quirky romantic comedy bangs!? Yes, it is. Very. I have serious trust issues with cosmetologists... Hello, beautiful unicorns! It's PMS week and I'm alive and able to tell my story. No, I wasn't kidnapped or banned from writing. Yes, I'm still in a relationship. Hell, I posted a #MCM picture on Instagram this week. I know, it's been a while but nothing has changed. My life continues to be an emotional roller coaster and the weather keeps being an asshole in good ol' Cincinnati. When people ask me how my relationship is going, I always answer "I haven't killed him so I guess it's fine". I think it's a pretty fucked up answer but that's the rawest reply I can provide. In all honesty, we've been pretty fucking amazing. Ryan went on a guys trip to Nashville last weekend and we've been in a honeymoon phase since he came back. Deep down I know it will be over pretty soon. Quite fran...

Am I diabetic? Is eating a bag of Oreo Thin Crisps and a bag of Baked Ruffles almost at the same time, considered dieting? I mean, they're healthy, goddamnit! Hello, folks! I'm already ovulating cause there's a lord out there blessing me unconditionally. These past few days have been crazy, to say the least. Zillow was part of my favorites and I staged some pretty amazing fake dates in my Instagram story. Delirious you're calling me? Yes, you're completely right. But... I had my reasons. I won't get into details though. That's not my style. I mean, it is but not for serious matters.  On Monday I talked about this huge zit that I had on my nose. On Tuesday I had three additional ones. Today, I checked my period tracker and the little green dot announcing my ovulation was visiting. I seriously can't catch a break! I've been craving/eating sweets all damn week. I'm killing the whole "No, I'm a salty/greasy food kind of gal" thing....

And I ain't lying! Hi! You know when you have some leftovers in the fridge and you've been thinking about them all afternoon? You had an early lunch but it doesn't matter because once you're home, you can warm that shit up and enjoy it. You walked in, opened the fridge and the pizza is motherfucking gone...  — "Hey, did you eat the pizza?" — "Yeah!" — "All of it?" — "Yeah! Why? I wasn't supposed to?" IM ON MY FUCKING PERIOD AND FOOD IS MY NUMBER ONE CONCERN! I mean, after all, I bought that for myself, on my date night with myself to watch Girls Trip by myself. You weren't even part of the equation. What makes you think it's okay to eat what was left of the damn pizza!?  After cleaning around, cause you know, even that is hard, I noticed that one of the cats was locked in the office. Folks, I've talked about my fucking office before. This is my sanctuary! I've done some "changes" and I ...

April Fools! I mean, if you can, that's amazing. I can't though. Wanna know why? Because as I was peeing this morning lacking energy and will to live, it decided to visit me. According to my Period Tracker, it was supposed to start yesterday but that would've meant twice in March. In the end, it's Easter and my boy G died for that kind of stuff. Talking about that, on Friday I was talking to my Sales Rep and he said "It should be dead in the afternoon", talking about the workload. My dumb ass replied, "yeah, no pun intended", followed up by an awkward silence. Since I assume you guys are pretty smart I won't explain the "joke" but I want to point out we're on Spring Break and Friday was "Good Friday". Yesterday, I asked on Twitter how can you be in a relationship and not gain weight? This doesn't apply to couples under 25 years old or if you've been with the person for less than a year. You get comfortable, eati...

Am I being dramatic? Probably. Does it feel like hell? Yes, it does. Greetings from my new iMac, yes Ryan, I said MY iMac (Please refer to my domestic partner's social platform for more details). I feel like I always have an excuse for being absent but seriously, work has been insane. I miss those days of being "fake busy" but I'm positive that by next week they'll be back. Actually, next week I'm getting my period so taking a wild guess here, I don't think it'll get better. Let's just relax, breathe and live one day at a time. As your normal psycho, obsessive twenty-something woman, I like to lurk. If you're smarter than me, you know that 9/10, you're going to find something (El que busca, encuentra). I trust my boyfriend, I know he's intelligent enough to not mess with my very stereotypical latina woman side but I'm nosey. For some reason, I like looking into the past. How do I get all the pieces together in order to know why...

When is Chinese Food a good answer? Probably when you're laying in bed not wanting to cook or leave the house. Hello, sunflower seeds! It's Wednesday, it's snowing, I'm in my third cup of coffee and eating one of those awful breakfast burritos that I enjoy. As you remember, on Monday I talked all this crap about trying to eat better, feeling bloated and trying to seek some motivation but it was all talk, as usual. I've been eating terribly, from sushi to breakfast at 8:00PM and last but not least, Lo Mein in bed. How do I have the nerve to complain about gaining weight if I keep doing that kind of shit? I'm your average twenty-something that spends most of their income on gas and food. Even when we do the "adult" thing and spend over $300 on groceries, we end up at Chipotle because we're too hangry or too lazy to cook. To be honest with you, I just don't like cooking! It's not that I don't know how to or I'm terrible at it, simpl...