PMS Diaries

Hello? Is it me you're looking for? Wow! It's been a while, folks. Like a REAL  while, not those sporadically disappearing for lack of content whiles . A LOT has changed in my life, a fuck ton if we need to get into specifics.  You're asking for an update with a chronological order? Oh, I'm aim to please... Got a breast reduction I've lost around 40 lbs after that Went to Puerto Rico for 10 days I'm engaged to my favorite headache Doax died during this trip and Pablo is helping us fill that void in our hearts I have a new job! We don't fight over food  I still hate him more than anything while ovulating/PMSing (that's how you know is real) We've gotten so much better at this "living in sin" thing I hate cliches and stereotypes as much as the next person but if I need to be honest, deciding to have a healthier lifestyle really change the game for me. And I mean in absolutely every fucking sense. This whole thing started as a...

I'm an emotional rollercoaster but I assure you that I'm fine. No, I haven't killed anyone. Yes, I'm still a walking contradiction. To be honest, I've been trying to be productive in other ways or at least, I keep telling that to myself. I closed Facebook over a year ago and recently, decided to get rid of Instagram as well. No, nothing drastic pushed me into that decision. Yes, stalking exes and coworkers will be harder but I'll survive. If I'm going to provide a reason as to why I did it, it happened after talking with one of my good friends and realizing how much time I was wasting on social media. What's the point anyway? We try to portray our lives on social media as a mix of perfection and spontaneity and for what? For a like? For a comment? I mean, I'm pretty sure at this point everyone's tired of my face, my cats and Boomerangs of my record collection. We need to get over ourselves and understand that we're not that interesting and...

Almost midnight and I'm awake... That only means one thing. The Red Monster has arrived. Greetings, favorite people in the world. It's my birthday week and my body is in auto-sabotage mode. My period decided to grace my life three days before her due date and I'm already borderline intoxicated with Midol and Ibuprofen.  For someone like me, anything past 10:00 o' clock is past my bedtime. I'm living on the edge by even considering being productive tomorrow after not having eight hours of sleep. But hey, I'm all about the YOLO life. Talking about YOLO, after careful consideration and a terrible hangover Monday morning, I decided not to drink ever again. We all know that's a lie but I don't think my body will be able to endure that kind of behavior anytime soon. I mean, it was fun, I had a great weekend but the consequences were destructive.  Oh! And guess who has been working out and eating healthy? This bitch right here! Wanna know why and how y...

I twisted my ankle two hours ago... I started writing this entry on April 26th and here we are, it only took me two weeks and a half. Greetings, muffins! Iiiiiit's Monday and it feels like one too. I had a couple of beers yesterday celebrating the mamas around me and as usual, I'm regretting it. Also, guess what? Yes, you're right! I'm fucking ovulating. #Blessed . But let's go back to my ankle. It was a Thursday afternoon, I was minding my business at the office and forgot to close the pet gate. A cat walked in, I freaked out, tried to chase him away but my leg was asleep so I kind of sprained my ankle. It was terrible! My legs weren't shaved and I had a three-week-old pedicure gracing my toes. I waited around seven hours for Ryan to drive me to the hospital cause "it wasn't that serious" and "it could wait". I ended up with some ornamental crutches, bandages and a fascinating medical bill for my collection. I'm still in pain an...

Is it that hard to pay someone to give me those quirky romantic comedy bangs!? Yes, it is. Very. I have serious trust issues with cosmetologists... Hello, beautiful unicorns! It's PMS week and I'm alive and able to tell my story. No, I wasn't kidnapped or banned from writing. Yes, I'm still in a relationship. Hell, I posted a #MCM picture on Instagram this week. I know, it's been a while but nothing has changed. My life continues to be an emotional roller coaster and the weather keeps being an asshole in good ol' Cincinnati. When people ask me how my relationship is going, I always answer "I haven't killed him so I guess it's fine". I think it's a pretty fucked up answer but that's the rawest reply I can provide. In all honesty, we've been pretty fucking amazing. Ryan went on a guys trip to Nashville last weekend and we've been in a honeymoon phase since he came back. Deep down I know it will be over pretty soon. Quite fran...

Am I diabetic? Is eating a bag of Oreo Thin Crisps and a bag of Baked Ruffles almost at the same time, considered dieting? I mean, they're healthy, goddamnit! Hello, folks! I'm already ovulating cause there's a lord out there blessing me unconditionally. These past few days have been crazy, to say the least. Zillow was part of my favorites and I staged some pretty amazing fake dates in my Instagram story. Delirious you're calling me? Yes, you're completely right. But... I had my reasons. I won't get into details though. That's not my style. I mean, it is but not for serious matters.  On Monday I talked about this huge zit that I had on my nose. On Tuesday I had three additional ones. Today, I checked my period tracker and the little green dot announcing my ovulation was visiting. I seriously can't catch a break! I've been craving/eating sweets all damn week. I'm killing the whole "No, I'm a salty/greasy food kind of gal" thing....

Not really but it feels like it... Hellooooo! It's gloomy, it's Monday and us common folks needed to work. I've been on a drinking spree since last Wednesday after the pizza incident and it sounds way more intense than what it's been. The wildest night consisted of five beers, so, it's not that bad. Is that something an alcoholic would've said? Do you feel that after your period is over, you start overanalyzing your life? Specifically, your life decisions? Was it pushed by THAT pimple on my nose? Yes, that one that decided to visit after the blood fest came to an end. Has it gotten worse since I discovered the Post Menstrual Syndrome? Like, yeah, now it has a name and it's something real so it will be an excuse. Is it the weather? I'm currently in Cincinnati, Ohio and I don't think it will ever get warm. It's either snow, rain or both with an average of 30 something degrees. Afterall, it has been confirmed that weather has a negative effect o...

And I ain't lying! Hi! You know when you have some leftovers in the fridge and you've been thinking about them all afternoon? You had an early lunch but it doesn't matter because once you're home, you can warm that shit up and enjoy it. You walked in, opened the fridge and the pizza is motherfucking gone...  — "Hey, did you eat the pizza?" — "Yeah!" — "All of it?" — "Yeah! Why? I wasn't supposed to?" IM ON MY FUCKING PERIOD AND FOOD IS MY NUMBER ONE CONCERN! I mean, after all, I bought that for myself, on my date night with myself to watch Girls Trip by myself. You weren't even part of the equation. What makes you think it's okay to eat what was left of the damn pizza!?  After cleaning around, cause you know, even that is hard, I noticed that one of the cats was locked in the office. Folks, I've talked about my fucking office before. This is my sanctuary! I've done some "changes" and I ...

Except yourself... Greetings from hell! Welcome to the first official day of my period. What a day to be alive! Period farts and diarrhea? Yes, please! I called off work, I've been in bed all day and used a bar of soap as a bath bomb mistakenly. Yes, I will love to talk crap about Ryan but aside from the three bath bombs (one of them was a soap as explained before), he bought me food, Midol and carrot cake. I can't say shit. How are women capable of having a normal life while their uterus is exploding and starting WWIII inside of them? As I mentioned before, this is a monthly struggle for me. Some months aren't as bad but it compensates with the overthinking and the craziness. It's a combination of frustration and not being capable of controlling what's going on and for a control freak, that's bullshit. The only way that I can seize the pain is with pain medication. And on a real note, the statistics of prescription painkiller overdoses among women are gett...

April Fools! I mean, if you can, that's amazing. I can't though. Wanna know why? Because as I was peeing this morning lacking energy and will to live, it decided to visit me. According to my Period Tracker, it was supposed to start yesterday but that would've meant twice in March. In the end, it's Easter and my boy G died for that kind of stuff. Talking about that, on Friday I was talking to my Sales Rep and he said "It should be dead in the afternoon", talking about the workload. My dumb ass replied, "yeah, no pun intended", followed up by an awkward silence. Since I assume you guys are pretty smart I won't explain the "joke" but I want to point out we're on Spring Break and Friday was "Good Friday". Yesterday, I asked on Twitter how can you be in a relationship and not gain weight? This doesn't apply to couples under 25 years old or if you've been with the person for less than a year. You get comfortable, eati...

Am I being dramatic? Probably. Does it feel like hell? Yes, it does. Greetings from my new iMac, yes Ryan, I said MY iMac (Please refer to my domestic partner's social platform for more details). I feel like I always have an excuse for being absent but seriously, work has been insane. I miss those days of being "fake busy" but I'm positive that by next week they'll be back. Actually, next week I'm getting my period so taking a wild guess here, I don't think it'll get better. Let's just relax, breathe and live one day at a time. As your normal psycho, obsessive twenty-something woman, I like to lurk. If you're smarter than me, you know that 9/10, you're going to find something (El que busca, encuentra). I trust my boyfriend, I know he's intelligent enough to not mess with my very stereotypical latina woman side but I'm nosey. For some reason, I like looking into the past. How do I get all the pieces together in order to know why...

Aaaand it's Monday! I can't emphasize how much I hate that I've become the kind of person that hates Mondays but yeah, I do. Hello there, beautiful people! It's been a while and I'm officially PMSing. You're probably thinking that the blog will finally make sense but sadly, it seems like it won't. Quite frankly, I don't feel deranged, in fact, I've been getting along with Ryan. We even went out to brunch without fighting and if you don't believe that's progress, this is coming from the couple that had a mirror smashed after an argument that started with not knowing where to eat. PMS translates to cravings, crying over stupid shit and just feeling uncomfortable with your boobs. It's this simple, when you have biiiig ol' boobies, periods are your enemy and there's no such thing as "My boobs look so good!" kind of day. Your breasts are the main source of that lower back pain that makes you wonder why you're alive. Bu...

When is Chinese Food a good answer? Probably when you're laying in bed not wanting to cook or leave the house. Hello, sunflower seeds! It's Wednesday, it's snowing, I'm in my third cup of coffee and eating one of those awful breakfast burritos that I enjoy. As you remember, on Monday I talked all this crap about trying to eat better, feeling bloated and trying to seek some motivation but it was all talk, as usual. I've been eating terribly, from sushi to breakfast at 8:00PM and last but not least, Lo Mein in bed. How do I have the nerve to complain about gaining weight if I keep doing that kind of shit? I'm your average twenty-something that spends most of their income on gas and food. Even when we do the "adult" thing and spend over $300 on groceries, we end up at Chipotle because we're too hangry or too lazy to cook. To be honest with you, I just don't like cooking! It's not that I don't know how to or I'm terrible at it, simpl...

I mean... I'm guessing you guys missed me? Hopefully! If not... Fuck you! JK JK or am I? My mom had surgery on Thursday and it's been all about her these past days. The surgery lasted around seven hours and I stayed the night with her, needless to say, I'm still damn tired. Everything went fantastic and she's recovering quickly so shout out to all of you that asked/sent messages, we really appreciated them. Yesterday, we celebrated my parents 40th wedding anniversary and honestly, that's a fucking long time to be with someone, especially with my dad. That woman seriously deserves a Nobel Prize.  A couple of hours later, while we were laying in bed I asked Ry if he thought we'll last that long and he didn't say a word. It's all about the little things, folks! I mean, I'm surprised we've lasted this long but I don't say it to his face (until now)! In all honesty, I know how hard relationships can be even when you try to portray them as per...

Mondays... Mondays usually suck balls but the Monday after Daylight savings is the worsssst. Hello, everyone! I haven't posted in a while because honestly, I'm still trying to figure out the dynamic of the blog. Is it going to be while I'm on my PMS/Red monster days? Is it going to be a diary? As of today, only Jesus knows. Is it normal to carry some of the hormonal disbalance and craziness of the periods even when it ends? According to my own Google research, that's kind of a thing and it's often referred as Post Menstrual Syndrome. Holy fuck! CAN I LIVE?! The symptoms are pretty much the same but not as physical as the PMS/Periods. I.e you won't have tender breasts and lower back pain but you will have mood swings and a fuck ton of erratic thoughts. But wait! A balanced diet and exercising can help you with that. Now, let's be honest, if you're like me (some will say kind of a lunatic mixed up with a masochist) you won't do shit. You'll just...

Heeeeello, Yesterday was a mess, I was a mess, things at work were a mess and I was having an intense late 20's crisis that a total stranger made better. That's the weird thing about life, sometimes someone you don't know suddenly with a smile or a hello can improve your day (this is a perfect example of how emotional I've been). So, I won't go into details about my work life for obvious reasons but it's your typical office job, Monday to Friday from 8-5; not really exciting but it pays the bills and it has the tendency of stressing me out even though I try really hard to avoid it. These past few days, have been an emotional roller coaster, I've been sentimental about almost anything and it's both embarrassing and infuriating. It has reached the point where I tell myself, "Bitch, get your shit together and just stop!" and it gets better for a couple of minutes then we're back in the ride. Honestly, I don't know why this period has be...