The Girl With The Sausage Foot
I twisted my ankle two hours ago...
I started writing this entry on April 26th and here we are, it only took me two weeks and a half. Greetings, muffins! Iiiiiit's Monday and it feels like one too. I had a couple of beers yesterday celebrating the mamas around me and as usual, I'm regretting it. Also, guess what? Yes, you're right! I'm fucking ovulating. #Blessed.
But let's go back to my ankle. It was a Thursday afternoon, I was minding my business at the office and forgot to close the pet gate. A cat walked in, I freaked out, tried to chase him away but my leg was asleep so I kind of sprained my ankle. It was terrible! My legs weren't shaved and I had a three-week-old pedicure gracing my toes. I waited around seven hours for Ryan to drive me to the hospital cause "it wasn't that serious" and "it could wait". I ended up with some ornamental crutches, bandages and a fascinating medical bill for my collection. I'm still in pain and it's very swollen but I'll wait for Bernie Sanders and his universal healthcare. Health issues are for the privileged here in Muricah. Per recommendations of the hospital's personnel, I should find a better story because the cat chasing thing kind of sucks. It's a stupid story and I'll stick to the damn true events.
I ended my period last Monday and those blood clots were brutal! To quote my friend Sio, the "jellyfishes" living inside me were disgusting, to say the least. And, why did I just googled blood clots? More importantly, why are females uploading them in the name of science? In all honesty, I can't recall the last time I had a period that bloody, after ruining three panties and killing a pack of pads in less than four days, I was freed.
My Aunt Flow is an asshole, so of course, it pops in the morning just to make sure that the whole day is ruined. The night before I went to see one of my favorite bands (The Coathangers, google them!) perform and naturally, I was pretty hungover that morning. I don't know if you've ever dealt with the whole period and hungover combination but maaaan, it has to be one of the worst experiences in the female life story. Your body is dehydrated, your head is pounding, "something" is stabbing your ovaries and don't forget about the period shits. Isn't being a woman delightful? We are delicate flowers! I felt drunk until noon and questioned myself if "I'm too old to have fun" throughout bedtime.
My birthday is on June 2nd, the Dirty Thirties are knocking and according to Period Tracker, my period starts that day. I don't have any plans for that day and reviving the hungover/period is not an option. I guess I'll use the next couple of weeks to self-reflect and learn from the mistakes I've made over the three decades gracing this earth. Hopefully, with my newly acquired knowledge, I'll understand that leaving Nair longer than ten minutes will burn your stache' area. You know, it's about the little things.
P.S: I haven't cut my bangs in a while. #Proud
I ended my period last Monday and those blood clots were brutal! To quote my friend Sio, the "jellyfishes" living inside me were disgusting, to say the least. And, why did I just googled blood clots? More importantly, why are females uploading them in the name of science? In all honesty, I can't recall the last time I had a period that bloody, after ruining three panties and killing a pack of pads in less than four days, I was freed.
My Aunt Flow is an asshole, so of course, it pops in the morning just to make sure that the whole day is ruined. The night before I went to see one of my favorite bands (The Coathangers, google them!) perform and naturally, I was pretty hungover that morning. I don't know if you've ever dealt with the whole period and hungover combination but maaaan, it has to be one of the worst experiences in the female life story. Your body is dehydrated, your head is pounding, "something" is stabbing your ovaries and don't forget about the period shits. Isn't being a woman delightful? We are delicate flowers! I felt drunk until noon and questioned myself if "I'm too old to have fun" throughout bedtime.
My birthday is on June 2nd, the Dirty Thirties are knocking and according to Period Tracker, my period starts that day. I don't have any plans for that day and reviving the hungover/period is not an option. I guess I'll use the next couple of weeks to self-reflect and learn from the mistakes I've made over the three decades gracing this earth. Hopefully, with my newly acquired knowledge, I'll understand that leaving Nair longer than ten minutes will burn your stache' area. You know, it's about the little things.
P.S: I haven't cut my bangs in a while. #Proud
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| Unrelated car selfie |
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